all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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