fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
