I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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