M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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