I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
