Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
