I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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