I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
