Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
