It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
