If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Holy shit dude........stairs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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