Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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