I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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