I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
