You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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