the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
