I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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