but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
