I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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