My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
