new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
