Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
