I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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