Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
