when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
