try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
