Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
