This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
