How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
