the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
