It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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