I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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