Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
