Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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