hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
