I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
