why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
