I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
