Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
