What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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