I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Randomize
