Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
