I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
where does the pee come out of this thing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
