WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
