I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
