The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
