So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
