You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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