I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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