My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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