I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
