WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
