i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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